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The 1998 Endicott Awards
(Last Updated: 5/4/98, 8:40 EST)
|Time: 05/04/98 02:51:52
Character(s): Bill Endicott
Author: Douglass Barre
Title of Post: ENDYS: Endicott's Special Award
Bill Endicott walked out once more to the center of the stage.
"Each year, well, because I decided so, this being the first year, the Ataniel Storyboard Academy likes to honor someone who has worked above and beyond the cause for the world and spirit of Ataniel. This special award is something that indicates a level of commitment and creativity that stands out even amongst the incredible standard that all Ataniel participants share.
"This year, I would like to acknowledge someone whose sacrifice of time, energy and resources are parallelled by none other. A participant in the world who has given it a structure, and a home. Someone without whom we would not be here today.
"I am speaking, of course, of the Hypertextual Book of Ataniel's creator, designer and programmer, the woman who set up the storyboard that we honor today, the self-appointed Head Programmer Babe, Kristin Andersen.
"This award isn't for a character, or an idea, but for a person, and in that way, I feel that it is the most prestigious award we have to bestow. Words are hardly enough to credit the great gift that Kris has given to all of us, and so I call upon each and every person here tonight to take at least a short moment to let her know how much we appreciate what we've got."
"Thank you, we will resume the Endicott ceremony three minutes hence."
|Time: 05/04/98 02:55:09
Character(s): Skitch and Kit, presenters
Author: Douglass Barre
Title of Post: ENDYS: Best Plotline
Two young boys walked up to the lectern. Schneider met them there and placed a podium on the ground for them, thus illustrating the difference between podium and lectern, something the author himself knew but kept screwing up.
"Hey, guys," Skitch said, holding his Endy.
"We're here to talk about Best Plotline. We get a cool one."
"Can I open the envelope?" Skitch asked.
"No way! You got a reward! I get to open the envelope."
"Then I get to read."
"Nuh-uh... we both read."
"This bites," Skitch said. "Maybe they'll solve the murder in our scene. That'd be cool."
"They're not going to solve it until the very end, doofus," Kit said.
"Thank you, I am," Skitch said proudly.
"Well, I'm going to read now, then."
"Fine," Skitch said, waving his statue.
"AUGH!" cried Marty from the audience, and ran out the door.
"The nominees for Coolest Plotline are...
"Girls of Saint Augustine."
"Eww, girls," Skitch said.
"Yeah. Eww. You read the next one."
"Hell and Back."
"Haha! Made you say a bad word!"
"Hell isn't a bad word. I've been there. They have nice devils there."
"Fine, then you just go to Hell."
"I will. It's almost as nice as Diaria."
Threnody giggled. "Damned by faint praise."
Kit read the next one. "Rat Kings."
"Skeens of Fate," Skitch read. "Or is that Skaynes of Fate?"
"Who spelled it?" Kit asked. "And finally, We'll Always Have Paris."
"Wahp, as I call it," Skitch said. "I died in that one, you know."
"Serves you right, you goober."
"Just read the winner, dorkmeister," Skitch said.
"I will. The winner of Coolest Plotline is... Skitch Dies!"
"Wahp, as you call it," Kit added.
"Maybe I should die in every plotline," Skitch offered.
There was a loud thud from the audience.
|Time: 05/04/98 02:58:50
Character(s): Signet the Significant, presenter
Author: Douglass Barre
Title of Post: ENDYS: Best PC
"Well, we all know why they selected me for this award," Signet said. "They finally realize that the way to true noble adventuring is through having a consistent code of morality. Be that code a simple one like we had in the days of the Significants... 'don't kill bugs', 'keep the hat', 'don't trust Ariath'... or one of the complicated ones of today... 'sacrifice yourself for your friends', 'men and women are different and don't count'... codes of morality are important in all that we do."
"Thus it is with an eye to those codes that we look at the five people selected here today."
"Excuse me, Ulmo," Pluvious said, stepping on stage. "I think your little talk on morality has given me the final clue I needed!"
"Of course," Signet beamed.
"We kill because we covet, Wyvern said... but that supposes its own inverse... we covet, therefore we are killed!"
"What?" Signet asked.
"It's so simple, when you look at it! All the pieces fall into place! The odd testimonies... the way the victim was found... I've got it!"
"Tell us," Signet said.
"What? Now? There's one post to go, and I still need to find Douglass Barré. All will be revealed in the next post!"
Pluvious pointed to the readers.
"Can YOU figure it out?"
"Excuse me," Signet interrupted, but the audience is out there."
"Only to you, Ulmo. Go ahead. I've already stolen any drama you were going to get."
"Fine. Be that way," Signet moped.
Pluvious strode trimphantly off stage.
"The nominations," Signet sighed, "for Best--and most moral--PC are...
"Amatsu Mikaboshi, played by Jonah Cohen.
"Ebreth Tor, played by Laura Redish.
"Jack Paris, played by Douglass Barré
"Khyrisse Starshadow, played by Kristin Andersen,
"And the Rat, played by Jeff Hersh. But that can't win, because rats don't have codes of morality. Not like, say, bugs."
There was a resounding silence.
"Okay, I'll just announce the winner. The Most Moral PC award goes to... Jack Corfa Paris! Congratulations, Mr. Paris. It's morality like yours that..."
"Okay, Signet, your fifteen minutes are up," Schneider said.
"But... I had a reading from my book I was going to do."
"Then they're definitely up," Schneider said. "Go, we all want to know how this ends."
|Time: 05/04/98 03:04:26
Character(s): Kevin and Kayla, presenting
Author: Douglass Barre
Title of Post: ENDYS: Best Dramatic Post
Everyone in the Anita Tuvin Schlecter Auditorium was on the edge of their seat. Not only was the final award about to be announced, but Pluvious Sturoster had apparently been able to solve the murder of Jonah Cohen.
As Kevin and Kayla took the stage, it was like electricity shot from one end of the audience to the other.
"We're here," Kevin started, "to announce the winner of Best Dramatic Post."
"Who did it?" someone from the audience cried.
"The butler did it," Kayla said. "Now shut up and let us read the award."
"We're all a bit tense, I know," Kevin said, but Pluvious told us to go ahead and do the award first. Something to do with needing to lure someone out."
"So we're going to do this as quickly as we can. Hi Flicker!" Kayla waved.
"The nominees for Most Dramatic Post--
"--other than this one--" Kayla added.
"have been reinacted for you previously, so we'll just read down the list."
" 'Girls Night In', by Kristin Andersen," Kayla read.
" 'Remembering Lita/Too Much Jack For His Own Good', by Laura Redish," Kevin continued.
" 'Point of No Return', by Douglass Barré."
" 'Turning Around', by Laura Redish."
Kayla looked up. "And 'Tension', by Laura Redish."
"The winner of the award for Best Dramatic Post is..."
"Hold, two, three, four," Kayla counted.
" 'Point of No Return!' Douglass Barré!"
Everyone in the audience looked around to see if Doug would come forward for his award.
I climbed up the steps and walked straight to the podium. Uh, the podium which was still behind the lectern.
"Hi everyone. Sorry I didn't get here earlier, I was too busy writing the last few scenes."
"That explains it," Threnody said.
"In a meta kinda way," Schneider added.
"All right," Pluvious said. "Now that I've got you here, Barré, I need the truth."
"You can't handle the truth," I said.
"I can't tell you how sick I am of people saying that," Pluvious sighed.
"Sorry. Just slipped out."
"I just need you to answer one question to let me know who committed the murder."
"You're going to ask about 'I Khyrisse', aren't you?"
"The question for you, Mr. Barré, is..."
|Time: 05/04/98 03:10:56
Character(s): Just About Everyone
Author: Douglass Barre
Title of Post: ENDYS: Closing Ceremonies
There was a dramatic pause before Pluvious finally asked...
"Who has the hat?"
There was a scream from the audience
It took most of the presenters and a few other nonplayer characters to subdue the whirlwind of scything destruction that had lunged towards Pluvious.
"You see," Pluvious started, "I became suspicious with what Vickie got from Wyvern. 'We kill because we covet.' But what did someone covet? Responsibility for some post? If so, why would they have put Jonah's name on it in the first place?"
"It was funnier that way?" Schneider offered.
"No," Pluvious said.
"But it was," I said. "That's why I did it."
"I KNEW IT WAS YOU!" Kris called from the audience.
"Yeah. Sure." I tried not to laugh.
"No, there had to be something else. Some other motive for killing him. Something... covetous."
"And what was that?" I asssisted in the expository dialogue.
"He kept stealing the hat. You'll note that when he came on stage, his hair was a mess. That was from having a hat appear and disappear repeatedly."
"I hoped someone would notice that in my descriptive stuff," I said.
"Fortunately, since you're writing this, I was just smart enough to figure it out. The hole in his back, for instance... if this was to be a quick kill, with enough time to get back to the killer's seat, why take the time to retrieve the weapon unless it was something that would have pointed directly to the killer."
"Like a scythe," Threnody added.
"Exactly," Pluvious continued. "You'll note that the cries for the hat ceased after Jonah's death. And then, when Luthien tried to learn the killer's identity..."
"Oh! Me! Me!" Trissia cried. "He did discover it, but because it was his wife, he hid the information!"
"Very good, Trissia," Pluvious said. "When I put all those pieces together, I knew that it had to be Rhynwa."
"And I would have gotten away with it, too," Rhynwa called across the auditorium, "if not for you meddling non-player characters!"
"Another case solved," I said to Pluvious. "Good work for the Sherlock Holmes of the East."
"What the hell does that mean, anyway?" Schneider asked. "East of what?"
"Later, Schneider," Threnody said. "We'd better go close up the ceremonies. Doug's getting hungry."
"How'd you know that?"
"I just told her," I said. Things are so much easier on this side of the fourth wall, I thought.
The three hosts made their way up to the lectern.
"Well," Threnody said, "I'd like to thank everyone for coming out tonight."
"I'd like to thank everyone for waiting while we posted this whole thing," Schneider said.
"I'd like to thank Pluvious for letting me help solve the crime! I'm so cool."
"You're so cool," Threnody agreed weakly.
"Don't forget to come see me, now appearing in Lianth Shrugged!" Schneider plugged.
"Drive safely, folks, and we'll see you next year," Threnody said.
"Unless they get Billy Crystal," Trissia offered.
I watched as the three hosts walked off stage, and let loose a sigh of relief. Next time, I thought to myself, someone else gets this job.
|Time: 05/04/98 03:21:09
Character(s): Enigma III
Title of Post: celebration in the future
|Time: 05/04/98 13:10:05
Character(s): The Rat
Author: Jeff Hersh
Title of Post: The Rodent Pouts
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