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The Book of Ataniel

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Tuesday, November 18, 1997

Psychodrama Awareness Test
(From I-mail with Kris and Eric)

Tjekanefir: Eric and I are developing a "psychodrama awareness test" for Atanielites, to see what type they are.

Tjekanefir: "Your lover betrays you. Are you more likely to A) kill him, B) internalize all your pain and suffer silently, C) deal with it and move on, or D) develop a mental illness?"

Tjekanefir: "Your wife is killed by an illithid. Are you more likely to A) drive the evil illithids off Ataniel forever, B) cry yourself to sleep every night, C) grieve and then remarry, or D) develop a mental illness?"

Tjekanefir: "You break a nail. Are you more likely to: A) curse, B) have a nightmare about it, C) ignore it, or D) develop a mental illness?"

Khyrisse: *laughter* Is there an "E) all of the above" option?

Tjekanefir: LAUGH!

Tjekanefir: "Your entire world is destroyed and crushed into the earth's mantle, and pretty much everyone you know is dead. Do you: A) commit suicide, B) become a recluse and never speak to anyone again, C) roll up your sleeves and go on, or D) develop a mental illness?"

Khyrisse: It's a good thing Kyria is type C. *grin*

Tjekanefir: "The oyster totem makes you sleep with somebody you don't like. Do you: A) beat up whoever pointed it at you, B) pretend the offending person doesn't exist, C) have a good laugh, or D) develop a mental illness?"

Tjekanefir: Answer Key: If most of your responses are A, you are a type A. You react to trauma with constructive aggression. You may notice your friends get the hell out of your way whenever anything is wrong.

Tjekanefir: If most of your responses are B, you are a type B. You react to trauma with maudlin internalization. You may notice that you have more long passages about your mental state on Storyboard than anyone else.

Tjekanefir: If most of your responses are C, you are a type C. You react to trauma with healthy coping mechanisms. You may notice that all your friends cling to you like they are drowning rats.

Tjekanefir: If most of your responses are D, please get professional help.

Tjekanefir: (: (:

Khyrisse: *laughter* And if most of your responses are E?

Tjekanefir: If most of your responses are E, you are obviously Khyrisse. (:

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Sunday, November 9, 1997

In IM conversation recently, Jonah referred to "the most bizarre subplot: fear of Schneider". With all due respect to the unexpectedness and unpredictability of that particular plot twist, I think I have to dissent. By far, the weirdest subplot to date is Kerouac repeatedly sticking himself to Valende!

How DO these things crawl out of our brains?

I'm rubber and you're glue,
--L
(:

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Friday, October 17, 1997

(Laura's, not mine, but I just had to post it:)

Maybe all of Ataniel can just declare a "Hooray For Lilith" day in which we all celebrate Trill's demise.

Geryon: "Intendant?"
Lilith: "Yes?"
Geryon: "For some reason, we're getting tens of thousands of sacrifices."
Lilith: "You're kidding. Human sacrifices?"
Geryon: "Mostly alcohol."
Lilith: "Well, send some of it to my quarters."

(:

SENDER: Jonah
DATE: Wednesday, October 15, 1997

You know what one of my fave recent sboard posts was? When the Rat Pack is in the abyss and Khyrisse tells them to flee without her, she'll hold off the demons (who does she think she is, Quell?) then Vastarin tells her (in about as many words) to shut the fuck up. It reminded me of .... "Air Force One."

There's a scene where they get all the staff to evacuate the terrorist-infested plane, using parachutes. Harrison Ford looks at about half a dozen secret service agents, and tells them to hurry up, get ready to jump, and they look at each other as tho he's been talking in Martian. Finally their leader says in a matter of fact tone: "We stay with the President."

Val & Vas - you'd want them protecting your ass.

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Saturday, October 11, 1997

*Khyrisse does the hair-flinging-girl step*

(Betcha you never thought you'd see that. Well, okay, it's the Death Dance of Joy. Mabye you did.)

Good riddance to bad bitchiness! Bye, Trill!

SENDER: Jonah
DATE: Saturday, October 11, 1997

What? That's it? Trill's really d-e-a-done for?

By all means, join me in performing the Death Dance of Joy.

Thanx, Lilith!

SENDER: Doug
DATE: Thursday, October 9, 1997

Of the Bitches from Hell, some of the NASTIEST ones have actually BEEN in Hell-- or another of the Lower Planes. Brionwy, Lilith, Ariath, Omeria... just to name the most obvious.

I don't think the Sunfighter, Tila, and Khyrisse want to BE in this kind of company...!

And Tila put in a lot of effort to transport the Sway to Hell, now that you mention it.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Wednesday, October 8, 1997

Of the Bitches from Hell, some of the NASTIEST ones have actually BEEN in Hell-- or another of the Lower Planes. Brionwy, Lilith, Ariath, Omeria... just to name the most obvious.

I don't think the Sunfighter, Tila, and Khyrisse want to BE in this kind of company...!

Though we are glad to be counted as honorary citizens of Ataniel, the Threnody faction of the Sunfighter feels obliged to remind you that we DO come from a Lower Plane, at least in part.

--L

SENDER: Jonah
DATE: Tuesday, October 7, 1997

Attention Atanielites and other lurkers:

It seems that of late the only action on the page is on the s-board (not to be confused with S-Guy.)

Where the Lilith are the encyclopedia entries? Oh-- how I miss the lovely sounds of characters slamming each other! Between the RP and Enigma, I bet those guys could diss each other until doomsday (or AS1/2YR*, whichever comes first.)

Get with the program. Give me my daily dose of incivility. If you're man enough.

Jonah, scourge of all manners

* typing that out, it looks like the weirdest thing I've seen since the old Flash villain-- the Kilg%re

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Monday, October 6, 1997

Why I'm Glad Kitty Never Met Wyvern:

"Have you ever--wondered--what your charmingly inappropriate fixation on the present tense might reveal about your hidden needs?"

"No! It's a big mystery! You're a dragon, aren't you? We've got lots of dragons on my dimension, only they're not the same kind of dragon, really. Do you have a breath weapon? My name's Kitty. You're not a very nice person. I think you need a backrub."

(:

Feeling much better now that the stereo's plugged in and I've had my "Waterloo" fix,

--L

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Wednesday, September 24, 1997

You know, I'm seeing a trend and I'm not sure I like it...

Of the Bitches from Hell, some of the NASTIEST ones have actually BEEN in Hell-- or another of the Lower Planes. Brionwy, Lilith, Ariath, Omeria... just to name the most obvious.

I don't think the Sunfighter, Tila, and Khyrisse want to BE in this kind of company...!

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Monday, September 22, 1997

More Atanielana Among Laura's Things:

*10,000 XP for finding Doug a girlfriend (Hi, Kay!)
*A "condolences on the loss of your pet" card from Evan after we lost Spots and thought he might be dead

Life Lessons Skitch Has Taken From The Rat Pack:

  1. Bad things happen to you whether you're nice or not.
  2. Never, EVER let anyone stand behind your mother.
  3. Grown-ups kiss a lot.
  4. Everything is better in Diaria.
  5. Never trust Ariath.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Saturday, September 20, 1997

"I don't believe it. Star Trek is after my demographic. This NEVER happens."
"Young, college-educated women?"
"Ancient immortal symbiotes."
--Kyria Vesper and her college roommate, on Deep Space Nine's Lieutenant Dax

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Friday, September 19, 1997

Atanielana Found While Packing:

"I blindfight with my head."
--Tila, head encased in stone

"You know, Edyric, this is too dangerous. Let's start a modelling agency."

Air Luthiens. Just Do It. Or We Kill You.

"Kiss!"
--Jonah, playing Tila during a session Kay couldn't attend

"Okay, Edyric's encased in a blade barrier. If she breathes heavy she's losing her nipples."
--Rhynwa

"That is one PHALLIC purple worm."
--Tila

"Luthien, you bitch!"
"AND I'M NOT FEELING SO FRESH RIGHT NOW, EITHER!"
--Schneider and Luthien in the alternate timeline

"Oh, it's so rewarding forcing powerful mages into hand-to-hand combat."
--Rhynwa

"I killed him, Max."
"Blah blah blah"
--Luthien getting (Evil) Max drunk, after Janther's death

"If I speak more softly, can I carry a big stick?"
--Kitty

"I'm just an illithid, la de dum da..."
--Tila in disguise

"Yeah, after fucking Evil Max, I guess anything's a step up."
"Bite me."
--Rhynwa and Threnody, communing by telephone

A note from 'Astilla':
"Virjhac, it's me. Don't tell."

A note from Tila:
"Dear Janther, I want your body!" (Why don't I remember this?)

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Thursday, September 18, 1997

Lessons From Laura's Virtual Y Chromosome:

Being called pet names involving large wild animals = good. Protective ten-year-olds who won't go to bed when they're told = bad. Getting laid won't keep you out of Hell, but it might get you rescued. A donkey is not a serious rival. If one woman is going to use another one to destroy you, it is less bad if you have already seen both of them in the bathtub.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Sunday, September 14, 1997

And, in the world of football, Dorsey Levens rushes 120 yards despite his lucky jersey being trapped in a day that has taken two weeks to resolve and isn't finished yet.

Looks like football is stronger than temporal paradox...

--L

SENDER: Jonah
DATE: Friday, September 12, 1997

Well, I'm ready to join the insanity du storyboard, but I'm kinda waiting for certain shmos to get the heck out of a certain lame-o infernal dimension. Sheesh! Might someone (not naming any names, Douglass Drew Barre) post a sort of, er, summary of how the Rat Pack progressed to this point? You know, I'm STILL not certain how they got this messed up. In the meantime, for those of you who didn't read Threnody's travel guide (and shame on you), here's

THE TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL THAT YOU'RE REALLY IN HELL

10. Only radio station plays bagpipe music as performed by Praxis.
9. It looks a lot like Tuscon, Arizona.
8. Algol Demonstar, Talakan and Omeiria keep pestering you cause they need a fourth for bridge.
7. All the men look just like Pierce Brosnan - and they're all as gay as Versace.
6. Newspaper headline: ICE WATER CANCELED - AGAIN!!!
5. You can't find a single pizza place that'll deliver to you.
4. You say you're a personal friend of the Sunfighter and some wise-ass bone devil says
"How's the cult doing, Tekky?"
3. You can't take a shower 'cause Juiblex is always clogging up the drainpipes.
2. Strangely, all the waitresses remind you of sanguine Bloodbath.
1. Javin is looking like a vacation paradise.

So while y'all are playing drop-the-soap with pit fiends, I'll be assuming the pack will make it out (yeah, I know...) and start a few board posts to set the stage for my upcoming characters-n-plots-n-shit like that.

More soon...
Jonah, Scourge of All E-mail

History

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