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The Book of Ataniel

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Tuesday, September 9, 1997

What To Expect In Hell:

I think Hell is probably a lot like Tucson, Arizona: hot and rude, but with good Mexican food.

Although they probably don't let the damned souls have any. They probably make them eat at Jack In The Box (West-Coast only joke).

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Wednesday, September 3, 1997

You know, in comparison with the storyboards of old, we are, like, Estrogen Board. We've had more romances than big fights, more conversation than action, more descriptions of what people are wearing than of their weapons. Our characters spend half their time hanging around together and asking each other how they feel.

It's kind of cool, actually. Kitty feels vindicated.

--L

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Saturday, August 30, 1997

Re: Alph and sex--

If pairing up never occurs to him, what does he USUALLY use that oyster totem for?...

Anyway, it's Pair Up And Go To Hell Anyway, now. Another great theory blown away by a new data point. (:

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Saturday, August 30, 1997

What To Expect In Hell:

There are no Diari devils.

That's 'cause it's Hell, and it's so much more upsetting for dead Diarians that way. (:

SENDER: Doug
DATE: Friday, August 29, 1997

Top Ten Things not to do in Ataniel...

10. Never ask Khyrisse how her family is doing.
9. Never ask Signet to introduce the party.
8. Never ask Tila to watch the loot.
7. Never worship Flicker.
6. Never take the hat from Rhynwa.
5. Never leave Max alone with your daughter.
4. Never turn Kerouac into a woman.
3. Never leave Shilree to take care of your prisoners.
2. Never lick the black patches of Zerthimon.

and, number 1...
1. Never, ever, ever trust Ariath.

SENDER: Jeffy
DATE: Friday, August 29, 1997

Jeez... first it is the spelling. So I use the spelling checker. Now it is the malaprops!!! *rolling eyes* Anyone have a malaprop checker????

*laugh*

BTW, Alphred is not the pairing-up type. It is not that he doesn't know about the opposite sex. It just has never occurred to him.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Tuesday, August 26, 1997

The implicit moral of the Storyboard thus far seems to be "Pair up or go to Hell", as the three Rat Packers who failed to pair up all got deported to the lower planes.

Alphred better hurry up and find someone. (:

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Sunday, August 24, 1997

The Works of Dr. Jeffrey Malaprop:

Vas is willing to duke it out with Odn for the title of the King of Kinks...

Severn Pricedoms? Is that that new mall out in Severna Park?

Pester is one of the Seven Princedoms? I don't doubt it, it's right next to Javin!

Ebreth looked dreamy out the window? I'll say he does, but when do I ever get a chance to do something about it, I ask you...?

A fog back? What does a fog front look like? And how do you tell the difference?

The mists rolled bast? The nerve of some weather fronts, mugging a deity-- although it wouldn't be the first time Bast has been spiffed.

And a final note: Odn wants to be placed among the gods? Khyrisse will be MORE than happy to oblige him. She's got a nice spot all picked out... six feet under.

(Forgive me, Jeffy, please. I just couldn't resist this time... *puppy dog eyes*)

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Saturday, August 23, 1997

By the way, the Paul Simon medley "Maybe I Think Too Much (When Numbers Get Serious/Girls Of St. Augustine)" is the perfect soundtrack item for Jack. It's all about this geek trying to have a relationship: "I have a number in my head, though I don't know why it's there. When numbers get serious, you see their shape everywhere... When times are mysterious, serious numbers will speak to us all. That is why a man with numbers can put your mind at ease!... Maybe I think too much..."

(:

--L

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Wednesday, August 20, 1997

There was an old Saturday Night Live skit where an air force commander watched this maverick pilot doing dangerous things and shouted about it. "He's buzzing the tower! That wild fool! Now he's flying too close to the ground! Now he's--letting his girlfriend cut his hair! Is he mad? She'll give him a bad haircut, and he won't be able to complain! Now he's buying a German shepherd puppy, and he lives in a small apartment!"

This would be Flicker watching the Rat Pack in a crystal ball. "They're-- letting Ariath get them drunk. Now they're letting Kardia Blackfeather open a portal to Hell. Now Khyrisse is making out with Ebreth Tor. Now Cori and Tarrin are--trusting my sister?"

Ah, ignorance is bliss.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Sunday, August 17, 1997

You know, everyone in Norna's group basically wants to kill her.

I feel like I'm setting her up for a "frag the louie" kind of scenario, where she suddenly turns up dead and everyone's a suspect.

(:

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Saturday, August 16, 1997

More things that cause Khyrisse Starshadow to go ballistic:

Being teased about Ebreth, the word "extradition", Norn, hangovers, talking too much, being called a horndog mortal, dreams about Wyvern, the word "irrelevant", being attacked by an undead thing right in the middle of another fight, Duke St. Augustine's dirty mind, having one party member trap another in Hell, getting ichor on her clothes, and unwanted romantic advice.

(:

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Friday, August 15, 1997

You know, I'm really amused that Flicker's most-used special ability on the board to date has been... using his store of linguistic knowledge to talk about Norn behind her back with just about everyone on the board.
(:

--L

SENDER: Doug
DATE: Thursday, August 14, 1997

Hey, does anyone think that it's weird that everyone decides to go spilling their secrets all at once? Ebreth's ranting at Jack, Ariath's revealing herself to Khyrisse, Jack just came clean, Flicker carried Robinson's message... are we leaving any secrets *unrevealed*?

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Wednesday, August 13, 1997

The Schism Tine, a fairy tale told in seven stories, by Kristin L.K. Andersen

(The first story, which concerns itself with a broken artifact and what happened to its fragments.)

Once upon a time there was a god, the most evil god of them all; he was called Newell. One day he was particularly pleased with himself, for he had invented an artifact which had the strange power of being able to make anyone good or beautiful that it affected become horrid; and all that was evil and worthless about them became attractive and worthwhile. The kindest and most honorable people became repulsive and violent.

"It is a very amusing artifact," said Newell. It was so entertaining that he laughed out loud. All the heroes who lived in Ataniel trembled, and knew that a calamity had taken place.

Newell gave the Schism Tine to his most evil minion, and she ran all over Ataniel with the artifact and finally took it into the heavens, until there wasn't a country or person in the whole world that had not been affected and distorted by it.

At last the heroes decided to fly up into the heavens after her. All together, they stopped Newell's minions and shattered the Schism Tine. The hero named Praxis looked at it, and broke it into hundreds of millions of billions and some odd pieces.

It was then that the Schism Tine really caused trouble, much more than it ever had before. The splinters were as tiny as grains of sand and just as light, so that they were spread by the winds all over the world. When a sliver like that entered someone's eye it stayed there; and the person, forever after, would see the world distorted, and only be able to see the faults, and not the virtues, of everyone around him, since even the tiniest fragment contained all the evil qualities of the Schism Tine. If a splinter should enter a person's heart-- oh, that was the most terrible of all!-- that heart would turn to ice.

This made Newell laugh so hard that he broke all his furniture, which he found very pleasant.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Wednesday, August 13, 1997

While I'm on the subject, have you noticed that the majority of the characters on the board have either been villains with their own agendas (Pieret, Malcar, Beliath, etc., etc...) or people with the same agenda but who have decided that abusing the heroes is the best way to achieve it (Norna, Duke St. Augustine, the Beast...)

Is the Schism Tine GONE yet? (:

--L

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Wednesday, August 13, 1997

God DAMN, Norna is a bitch. *Jack* tried to attack her. Flicker raised his voice at her. Even Kayla brought her some bad beer. This woman just alienates EVERYONE! (:

--L

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Monday, August 11, 1997

You've got company, Jack!

So nice that people forget to include him: Tarrin, probably the only nice Diari on the planet. The meanest thing he's done thus far is poke fun at Skitch and Khyrisse's accent, and a lot more politely than most Diari would!

SENDER: Doug
DATE: Monday, August 11, 1997

Hey, now that the Bitches From Hell have gathered on the storyboard (though Gabriella still needs to be added, having been inducted by Cori in one of her intro posts) it's time for the Storyboard "Nice Guys From Nylevia"!

Jack Paris! Nicest mathematical equation you'd ever hope to meet!

Uh...

Hm...

Ebr... no... Sk... too wild... Novoa... everyone hates Harry Novoa...

Vas... can't, too Dukey... Rat? Not a guy...

Um, never mind.

Jack: "Hey! It's lonely in here!"

SENDER: Doug
DATE: Monday, August 11, 1997

Another Jack Paris Charlie Brown moment.

Ebreth: Hey, looks like we all got our storyboard vacation assignments from Jeff!
Khyrisse: Cool! Look at this! I got to cover the Lich Lord dilemma!
Jack: I got a rat.
Ebreth: We get to handle the undead Diarians from space!
Jack: I got a rat.
Patches: Meow meow meow meow. (I get to control Tarrin, Diarian psimaster!)
Jack: I got a rat.
Khyrisse: And, of course, I'll take over his end on the King of Kings, the major plotline extant!
Ebreth: Jack, what did you get?
Jack: Good grief.

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Sunday, August 10, 1997

Hey, there's a new first on the Storyboard BFH: a protagonist in the "Top Bitch" position. (The past Top Bitches have been Tiall, Trill, and (twice) Brionwy. The current Top Bitch is the really-rude-but-currently-fighting-evil Norna.)

--L

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Saturday, August 9, 1997

Heh. Wonder how long it will take the Word to get ahold of Tom Paris in the Delta Quadrant to bring the Voyager around to rescue Futuristic Jack.
(;

--L

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Tuesday, August 5, 1997

Does anyone remember who, besides Derek, was in the Wild Pack, and what their powers were? I'm completely blanking, and am hence unable to do squat towards resolving this fight.

A quick briefing, maybe? Anyone? Anyone? Barre?

--L

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Monday, August 4, 1997

Hero: (noun)

a) a mythological or legendary figure, often of divine descent and endowed with great strength or ability

b) an illustrious warrior; one who shows great courage

c) a man admired for his achievements and qualities

d) a suicidal and masochistic professional adventurer, willing to travel all over the known world with too many enemies, too little information, and hideous amounts of stress, on the off chance of being able to prevent said enemies from destroying the world by being in the right place at the right time and stupid enough to argue about it. (Ataniel usage)

SENDER: Laura
DATE: Sunday, August 3, 1997

Did anyone else notice how, freed of the constraints of a traditional RPG, we all immediately seized the opportunity to play... VILLAINS?

Even discounting the semi-villains (Ariath, Ebreth, and Pieret), *three* players have claimed a Lich Lord as their semi-PC (four if you count Doug with Luthien the Dead), Norn and the Collector are being SPC'd, and Malcar and Duke St. Augustine have infiltrated good guys! Even Oethnar was working for Swank!

Too bad the Sunfighter is fourth-incarnation. Threnody would be making a lot of new friends. (;

I nominate Norn for leader of the Storyboard BFH, simply because Doug sent me e-mail asking if she had really been this bitchy last time we played her, which is pretty strong endorsement...

--L

SENDER: Kris
DATE: Tuesday, July 29, 1997

I Don't Care Who the Traitor Is... Who's the Jinx?:

"Jack wished he had Ebreth's way with women."
You mean you wish every time you went near one, something tried to kill her?...

That's amusing... Khyrisse thinks that it's her terrible romantic karma getting Ebreth in trouble...!

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