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'Does the moon look bigger to you tonight?'

The Book of Ataniel

THE BITCHES FROM HELL

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Brionwy:
Team leader of the Bitches from Hell and goddess of deception and other evil things. Beauty and the Beast in one.

Kala:
Once a normal woman, now possessed of a powerful demon, this is not a bitch to get peeved. Kala is Brionwy's 1st lieutenant on her take-over bid for Nylevia.

Omaria:
People often think mages are helpless. Well, Omaria will change your mind... or even control it. A former member of Bloodscar, this is one tough cookie with a penchant for causing pain.

Rhynwa:
While this priestess of Death is not evil, she still has her moments of bitchiness. She believes that through death alone can one achieve perfection, and boy does she wanna make lots of people perfect.

Kerouac:
She was once a man... forget it and forget your life. She's homicidal, suicidal, and a berserker. A woman to contend with, you must admit.

Shilree:
She has a bad attitude and wants to share it. A mage, yes, but that's not all... A bitch to the core.

Trillarillia Carraria:
A beautiful name, a beautiful body, the soul of a slime pit. This bitch-babe can knock you dead with the flick of an eyelid.

The Sunfighter:
The only good member of the party, this bard knows how to party. But don't let that fool you. To talk to her enemies, you need the help of Rhynwa.

Ariath:
Ariath is the person the phrase "backstabber" was invented for. Queen of the betrayers, this cute little thief will backstab you quicker than you can say "OH, NO! IT'S THE BITCHES FROM HELL!".

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Quotes from The Bitches from Hell

Ariath: "Shilree, you bitch!"
Shilree: "Who are you calling a bitch, you bitch?!"

Ariath: "Do we fight them or do we betray each other?"
Sunfighter: "Why don't we kill them first... and then betray each other?"
ALL: "YEAH!"

Rhynwa: "Where's Ariath?"

Omaria: "Hey, Trill... would you start the campfire?"
Omaria: (thirty seconds later) "Not on me!"

Trill: "Hey, Kerouac... What do you think of men?"
Kerouac: "I think I'd like to be one again!"

Kala: "I am NOT a waitress!"

Rhynwa: "Oh, she's only a LESSER goddess!"

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YES, FOLKS, HERE THEY ARE: THE BITCHES FROM HELL. IF YOU NEED 'EM, HIRE 'EM.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU PAY THEM ON TIME...

THE BITCHES FROM HELL
(Coming soon to a city near you!)

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THE BITCHES FROM HELL (REMIX)

Tiall:
Leader of the new and improved Bitches from Hell. You think you're paranoid now... Ranks low on the list of "eligible women".

Tila:
If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Lucifer himself wouldn't stand a chance against her. Keep your hand on your wallet and cover your private zones, gentlemen, she wants 'em both.

Rhynwa:
The only holdover from the original Bitches from Hell. She may seem more tranquil now, but don't say that when she's around.

Khyrisse Starshadow:
Life has been beating her up, and now she's fed up and fighting back. Which is worse, her bite? Or her fireballs? Or claws? Or...

Lotus:
She'll have you drooling like an idiot faster than you can say "Leo Johnson".

Edyric:
Her personal motto is "It's only fun and games IF somebody loses an eye.".

Shilree:
How bitchy is she? Even death can't slow her down. And look what she does to the gene pool.

Princess Nikita:
She looks sweet and innocent. JRAI. Picture a cross between Sunfighter and Ariath and you get the idea.

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Things Not to Say When You're Around the Bitches from Hell

"There is no such god as Arawn."

"I wonder where the Ti'Ar'Na is?"

"So, what have you been up to since 'Them' was made?"

"Betcha you can't hit this from 90', lady."

"Come on, what are the odds of running into a psionic?"

"Yes, I'm incredibly rich, handsome, single, and uninhibited. I'm also gay."

"Diaria schmiaria."

"Hey, where's Ariath?"

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THE BITCHES FROM HELL. IF YOU WANT THEM, HIRE THEM.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU PAY THEM ON TIME.

Coming soon!
The Bitches from Hell vs. Dalencia's Bad-Ass Dudes

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THE (REVISED) BITCHES FROM HELL

Brionwy (team leader):
Back after a long absence, and ready to destroy the world. She's bitchy enough to become a greater goddess if it means nobody to be a greater goddess over. Eat demon dust, Tiall.

Edyric:
Lean, mean, and endowed with an infinite supply of "mage slayer" arrows, this tough bitch is back and ready for action--and regular sex hasn't even mellowed her the way it did for Luthien!

Lotus:
She'll mind-control you, she'll disintegrate your body, she'll teleport away even if she's unconscious and her makeup won't even run. Her mere name sends Max into apopleptic fits. Cross this bitch and nothing in your psyche is safe.

Shannon:
Completely unpredictable, prone to hysteria, this crazy bitch is sure to show up shrieking and throwing shatterable items at you any time you're unsuspecting and hung over. We may not have seen her in a while, but never fear, she's a bitch in hiding, and we're bound to have to put up with her SOMEtime this year.

Belle:
Second only to Shannon in illogic, this bitch more maniacal than Max about mental privacy chooses to join Lotus' team and, in true bitch style, is unconcerned when the things that bother her most deeply are done to other people. She also has no morals unless you pay her to, and can do 130 points of damage in one blow.

Shilree:
Everybody but Janther has wanted to kill this bitch at some point. Sarcastic, paranoid, given to violent mood swings, and ALWAYS involved in something absolutely deadly that involves us intimately but that she can't tell us the whole story about, this exile has a chip on her shoulder the size of the Tarasque.

Tila:
Always involved in something absolutely deadly that she can't tell us the whole story about. Not only that, she has bitchin' high ability scores, gets punch drunk and random when Kay has been up too late, and knows the way to Hell. Don't get backstabbed by this bitch.

Princess Nikita:
I don't know if she's officially been inducted, but she can backstab with the best of them and she DOES have the Ass of Power.

Rhynwa:
This tried but true perennial bitch is preggers and is going to let the whole world know it. She's grim, she's gravid, her husband's a wight and her unborn child is a sorceror, and she's got a scythe. If Ariath knows what's good for her she'll STAY in Hell.

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"Cute female thieves! How did I get in a group of cute female thieves? I *hate* cute female thieves!!!"
--Rhynwa, on Tila, Nikita, Shannon, Shilree, and Belle.
"Where's Ariath, anyway?"
--Edyric

THE BITCHES FROM HELL: IF YOU WANT THEM, HIRE THEM.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU PAY THEM ON TIME.

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You thought they were bad before Bane.
Now they're the...

PSYCHO BITCHES FROM HELL

Trillarillia Carraria (team leader):
She's back, she's bad, she's bitchier than ever, and she's in bed with Shadow. If that's literal rather than figurative, I don't even wanna know.

Ti'Ar'Na:
This bitch is immortal and just keeps coming back like a bad penny. This time even Zzenith felt not so fresh.

Khyrisse:
Losing her divinity was one thing. Being psychoanalyzed was one thing. But being condescended to by her ex-husband sent this bitch into orbit. She's died more times than Jason from Friday the 13th, and she is NOT HAPPY.

Shilree:
Mess with this bitch and she'll cut your head off and give it to Luthien.

Tila:
Mess with *this* bitch and she'll tie you up and feed you crusts of bread all week.

Shannon:
Try, just *try*, to have a normal discussion with this psycho bitch. She's higher level than anyone ever thinks, too.

Lotus:
Mentally affected by an artifact, bested in single combat by Praxis, blown to smithereens trying to make contact with Forix, this bitch did not have the best session of her life, but I'm sure she's kicking ass in the lower plane of her choice.

Edyric:
You're going to feel this bitch's pain, whether you want to or not.

Sanguine:
The bitch that giggles when you hurt her, fireballs her teammates, and attacks people with a rusty fork. O-kay.

Princess Telerie:
She used to be wifty. Now she's a fairy-nailin' wacko. Look out for this deceptively cute blond bitch.

Marie:
Ho with the moxie to take on Tila, this bitch makes it in on chutzpah alone.

Siobhan:
This bitch-in-training can drink with the best of them and curse down pirates; her vindictiveness isn't up to par, but she *is* learning to ululate.

Flicker:
The only official inductee this session, Flicker became a Bitch from Hell when Trillarillia, a fine one to talk, yelled "Ow! You bitch!" at him and kicked him in the balls. By far the least bitchy incarnation of the Sunfighter, Flicker is completely out of his league here and knows it, and he plans to spend team meetings far, far away.

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Runner up for the Psycho Bitches from Hell
Maggie:
This clueless comparative religions major isn't really competent enough for the Bitches from Hell, but she *did* try to sacrifice Lady Jenny, a pretty bitchy act.

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Bitches from Hell Awards

Most Evil:
Trillarillia Carraria. The Ti'Ar'Na can only turn *one* person evil at a time.

Most Psycho:
Princess Telerie was up there, but Sanguine has to nose her out in the end; impaling people on rusty forks is just as sick as nailing fairies, and Telerie wasn't observed to laugh gleefully every time she took damage.

Most Irrational:
I've got to give the nod to Marie ("Hey, it's a master thief with a million dollars on her head! I'll attack her in my underwear!") over Shannon ("And you're believin' what that lyin' bastard Eric tells you?... Oh, so it's wantin' me to betray my husband you are now?") this time. Edyric ("Forix blew up my girlfriend's brain, and you saved my life, but you're the one I feel like blaming") is also a strong contender.

Most Babely:
In the days of Brionwy and Trillarillia the First, this was an easy call. But Trill had that trashy hairdo this time, and there wasn't any divine charisma knocking around this group, so I'd probably have to go with the lovely Princess Telerie, especially since Shannon wasn't dressed to her best advantage.

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Just when you thought it was finally over,
(at least until next reunion) it's the

STORYBOARD BITCHES FROM HELL (TO DATE)

Norna of the Skeins (team leader):
Inducted by none other than Ariath (and soon seconded by Evan), Norna wins the coveted Bitches from Hell Team Leader designation by virtue of the following e-mail quote from Doug: "Boy, did we really play her this bitchy before?" Norna's leadership skills, of course, leave something to be desired, but try telling that to this bitch and you'll end up in the hospital.

Khyrisse Starshadow:
A partial list of things that make two-time Bitches from Hell member Khyrisse Starshadow go ballistic: Late party members, assassins, brain scans, anything threatening Skitch, demon birds, graffiti, punks in her hotel room, Skitch disappearing, Skitch returning, Rimbor City, Cynystra, Trade, innocuous comments by Jack, bombs, undead things, unhelpful desk clerks, sneering merchants, teammates who narc to the Valkyrie, and being told to stay with nice policemen.

Ariath:
This Bitches from Hell pioneer--re-inducted by Pieret, Ebreth, Omeria, and a manifestation of Rhynwa in her own subconscious--can still backstab and betray with the best of 'em. Don't trust Ariath, people! We weren't kidding!

Omeria:
Back from the dead, this long-time Bitch from Hell hasn't slowed down a step.

Cori Yashida:
Though she was inducted by Ebreth upon decapitating a demonically possessed woman, this samurai's bitchiest act thus far has been trying to screw up Jack's relationship with Valende.

Gabriella:
We don't know anything about her EXCEPT that she's a bitch, but she was inducted by fellow Bitch from Hell Cori Yashida some time ago. Maybe she hit on Jack.

First Intendant Lilith:
This bitch hasn't figured into the plot much, but she seems to find tormenting dead souls a welcome break from administering Hell, so I'd say she's a fearsome contender.

"Lissa":
Go on. TELL me Rhynwa, mother of the Bitches from Hell, didn't induct her husband the minute he used this guise around her.

Shilree:
Sure, we haven't seen her, but we all know this perennial Bitch from Hell is around SOMEWHERE! (:

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Quotes Guaranteed to Get Bitches from Hell Mad

"Of course you're bad at math. You're a girl!"

"Ariath, you're a mage. Can't you identify me?"

"Where's Rhynwa?"

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THE BITCHES FROM HELL: IF YOU WANT THEM, HIRE THEM.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU PAY THEM ON TIME.

(Alyssa Gulledge, Jonah Cohen, and Laura Redish)

(Want to add to the madness?
Induct 'em on the storyboard and/or
send in nominations and comments to the HPB!)

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Back to the Psychodramas of Ataniel!

'Does the moon look bigger to you tonight?'

American Indian houses * Indian shawls * Sweetgrass baskets * Wampum beads * Aleut Indians

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