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TOP TEN WAYS TO RELIEVE THE TENSION WHEN AN EVIL ARCH-VILLAIN ASKS YOU TO JOIN HIM FOR FOOD OR DRINKS

10. Talk with your mouth full.

9. Inquire about his children. If he doesn't have any, inquire
about them anyway, and then say "Oh, you mean she didn't tell you?"

8. Interrupt him every time he talks about his evil plots to
ask him to pass some food or refresh your drink.

7. Ask for a crazy straw. If he doesn't have one, ask what the
point is in being an evil arch-villain if you can't have crazy straws.

6. Spout communist idealogy at him.

5. Play drinking games: every time he laughs evilly, says the
words "kill", "die", or "destroy", or says anything about conquering the
world, your entire party should whoop and take a drink.

4. Ask for a kosher meal.

3. While he is in the process of explaining his plan for world
domination, shout "Poison!" and slump over on the table.

2. Eat a mozzarella stick. Wind the cheese around your tongue.
Look directly at him. See if you can distract him.

1. Sit down, put your fingers together, and say "I'm sure you're
wondering why we've called you here today." Laugh in a sinister way.

(By Laura Redish)

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