Table of Contents
We'll Always Have Paris Archives
Priorities, Part VI
Character(s): Vickie Dare, the Price Girls, The Boss
Author: Douglass Barre
Storyline: I Haven't Decided Which One Yet
Title of Post: My Middle Name Is Danger
The stone bridge was crumbling under Vickie's feet.
Dargo Margonal and his bully boys had stopped at the edge of the precipice, their pursuit of Vickie and the Gauntlet of Strykla paused by the likelihood of being dropped into the lava-filled chasm. The canyon air blew through her long straight red hair, and caused goosebumps on her exposed legs. Vickie adjusted the cap she wore, so it wouldn't fly into the chasm.
Vickie didn't want herself to fly off, truth to tell, but at the very least she was going down with her lucky hat.
Fortunately, Vickie Dare had one motto that she lived by: there was no situation that couldn't be gotten out of.
Knotting three of her crampons together, she formed a makeshift grappling hook, and bound it to the rope she kept looped on her belt. Swinging it in a wide circle above her head, Vickie flung the hook at a small outcropping far above the crumbling bridge. The hook caught. "Adios, boys. It's been fun. We'll have to do it again sometime!" she cried, and blew Dargo a kiss.
With that, she leapt off the bridge, just as it fell into the lava below.
Vickie swung in an elliptical arc across the face of the massive cliff, finally grabbing hold of a rough part of the stone wall.
That was when the pterodactyls noticed her...
Hours later, Vickie walked into the campsite, limping slightly where the guardian statue had burned her leg, but otherwise unharmed.
"Vickie's back, all," Fancy Price called, and the five girls gathered around Ms. Dare.
"So, I bet Dargo's fuming now!" Chipper Price giggled.
"Fuming and thinking about Vickie naked, I bet," Nasty Price added.
"I'll go tell the boss, Vickie. I assume ye got the glove?" Cinnamon Price asked.
"Gauntlet," Vickie corrected her research coordinator, "The Gauntlet of Strykla."
"What-ever!" Soldier Price sighed. "Did you mess him up real bad?"
"Just get me the boss, girls," Vickie sighed.
"On me way!" Cinammon bounded off to the large grey tent in the center of the campsite.
Vickie related the tale of her arranged capture by Dargo's henchlings in the water-forest, but before she could get on to the escape from the Citadel of Chitin, a greying man walked out of the tent, followed by Cinammon Price.
"Pluvious," Vickie sighed. "What, did I catch you sleeping?"
"I was in contact with an old friend," Pluvious said. "I'm glad to see that you got the Gauntlet."
"Hey, when Mrs. Dare's little girl takes on a mission, it gets done," Vickie said.
"I'm glad to hear that," Pluvious Sturoster said. "Because I've got another project for you. Your journeyman project, really... after that, you and the girls have learned all I have to teach."
"Right. Like that's ever going to happen," Vickie said, adjusting her cap.
"Your mission specs are on this scroll," Pluvious said, handing a rolled up piece of parchment to Vickie. "I'm going to be... otherwise occupied."
Quattro, Vickie thought, but didn't want the older man to know that she knew some of his secrets too.
"So you and the girls will be on your own. Meet me back in Lianth in two months time, and we'll debrief."
"You got it, boss," Vickie grinned. "Vickie Dare and the Price Girls are on the case."
Character(s): Asinus, Lora, Caimen, and Surprise Guest Stars
Author: Douglass Barre
Storyline: We May Not Always Have Paris
Title of Post: The New Adventures Of Asinus Paris
"Flark," Asinus hacked blood as he watched the assassin race off. Not like Alverado to skip checking the kill, he thought.
The Paris family guards had somehow been alerted, and he could hear people racing to where he lay, bleeding.
Then Asinus Paris died for his second time.
"Oh, god," Lora cried, weeping into Caimen's shirt. "How did they get an assassin onto the island? And why Asinus?"
Caimen set his jaw. "They're picking us off, one by one."
Rauvin frowned, looking down at the body of the donkey laid out on the table. "I've cast a maintenance spell to maintain the body," he said. "If we can find a way around the curse, we could try to resurrect him."
"There is no way," Lora said. "We went through this the last time. Damn Asinus' troublemaking... if he hadn't angered the wizard..."
"Hush, dear," Caimen said. "Asinus made his choices."
"And I'm making mine. Send an envoy."
"You know Asinus' feeling about--" Caimen started.
"Do you think it's wise to use it at this--" Rauvin added.
Lora silenced them both with a glare. "I don't care. He's my brother, and even if we didn't need him for this, I need him. Now ready the envoy, and get a suitable gift. We need Lady Margo."
"Asinus isn't going to like this," sighed Caimen.
"He won't like anything again, otherwise."
Asinus looked down at his shimmering body.
"Flark," he muttered. "Even dead, I'm stuck being a flarking donkey."
The white pillars of heaven surrounded him, the lines of the architecture running off into infinity. Above him, the open blue sky was filled with clouds, and skyships, and flying beings of all types.
"Guess I've been doing better," Asinus sighed to himself. "Last time I was stuck in Purgatory. What a mess that was." He looked around. "So, if this is Heaven, where the flark are the dancing girls?"
As if in answer, one of the flying figures above broke off of a diamond formation and whizzed down to Asinus.
"Oh, flarking hell," Asinus said as the figure zoomed closer.
"Hi there!" the young fairy sang gleefully as she came to a stop in front of Asinus. "I'm Syndy! I'll be your guide here in Heaven, Mister Donkey Head!"
"Fairies," sighed Asinus. "It had to be flarking fairies."
Character(s): Geryon the Hunter
Author: Douglass Barre
Storyline: Um, I don't know... maybe Necropolis? *shrug*
Title of Post: Delaying the Inevitable
"Well," Geryon the Hunter said to Lilith, "It's March--"
Marching band music started up in the background, and Geryon turned to glare at Lilith's orchestra.
"As I was saying," he continued after the music died out, now that it's March--"
The music started again. Geryon growled.
"Now that it's that month again," the Hunter started again.
"What month?" Lilith asked mischievously.
"March," Geryon answered reflexively. The music swelled again.
"Look!" Geryon shouted over the music. "It's that month when I take my vacation every year!"
"You've vacated the City of Tears?" Lilith asked.
"You know," Geryon sighed, "ever since you got that book on comedy, you've been really annoying." Geryon blinked. "Ma'am."
"Yes, yes, it's your vacation time. Sue a girl for trying to have a bit of fun. Go on, Geryon. Knock yourself out."
"Thank you, ma'am."
"By the way," Lilith said, concealing a smile. "Do you know when you expect to take your vacation next year? Just so I can plan for it."
"Probably March--" Geryon started.
He stomped out of Lilith's office to the tunes of John Philip Sousa.
Character(s): Asinus, Syndy, and someone Doug forgot
Author: Laura Redish
Storyline: Asinus In Paradise
Title of Post: Only A Matter Of Time
"Are these flarkin' cards marked?"
"Don't be a sore loser, Mister Donkey Head. Zerthimon, do you have any sevens?"
The donkey erupted into a towering figure of brilliant white, who strode swiftly to the third hand of cards lying on a nearby cloud and picked them up. "I HAVE ONE SEVEN, LITTLE FEY." He handed it to her. "I DO NOT THINK THE PURPOSES OF MY DEAD GOD ARE BEING SERVED BY MY CHOSEN AVATAR BEING IN PARADISE. WE MUST RETURN--"
"Don't be a sore loser, Mister Angel Face. Asinus, do you have any threes?"
Character(s): Asinus, Syndy
Author: Douglass Barre
Storyline: Heaven's Ass
Title of Post: Just Like That Charles X. Claremont Effect
Asinus grunted with effort, and the floating nimbus of Zerthimon was sucked back into his head.
"God damn it!" Asinus panted. "I hate that guy. You know what it's like trying to keep something like that in your head?"
"I never worry too much about keeping anything in my head," Syndy admitted.
"Doesn't surprise me. You ever meet a guy named Marty?"
"Who?" Syndy asked.
"Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, now that I've lost all my flarkin' pixie sticks to you, can you finally tell me what the hell I'm doing here?"
"You know, you should watch your language up here."
"Oh, I'm gonna flarkin' love this place."
"Anyway, I'm supposed to be your guide through the happy realms of Paradise, and, um, take you to someone. Someone who desperately needs to talk to you."
"Who?" Asinus asked.
"Someone who has a message from beyond!"
"You forgot who it was, didn't you?"
"By which you mean yes?"
Syndy looked at her feet. "Yes," she squeaked.
"Why the hell couldn't I have gotten Janther Moria?" Asinus sighed.
Character(s): Marty Hu, Mina Paris
Author: Douglass Barre (with a little help from Laura)
Storyline: We'll Always Have Paris: The Road To Lianth
Title of Post: Just Then...
Suddenly, Geryon appeared and bit ∆lwyn's head off.
Marty whirled around and impaled the demon lord with his Sword of Light.
"No evil shalt ever claim power over the Parises of the world again!" Marty cried. "For they are under the protection of... The Great And Powerful Marty!"
Cowering with fear, the Three Riders crumbled to dust at Marty's feet.
"And now," Marty said, "I will go reclaim the Shadowlands!"
"I..." Rani started, and tears of joy came to her eyes. "I... love you, Marty Hu."
"Then it is in your name that I shall restore goodness and right to the world, lovely Rani!"
"Wow, Marty, you are so cool!" Jack said.
"You are cool and strong and everyone likes you!" Khyrisse agreed.
"Thank you, my friends. And now, Marty Hu, Slayer of Fear, must go forth and found his new Egg Empire!"
"Wow," Ebreth Tor said, "Marty has truly exceeded even my humble abilities of satori."
"Wake up, Marty," Mina said.
"I can't wake up, Mina," the Great and Powerful Marty said. "I've got to give the Diarian Empire the benefit of my wisdom and rule."
"So is he going to stop snoring or what?" Rani snapped at Mina, when the young mage sat back down.
"After he's, uh... never mind."
"Next time I drive," Rani grumbled.
In the distance, Lianth loomed.
Character(s): First Intendant Lilith
Author: Laura Redish
Storyline: Hell's Need For Mathematicians
Title of Post: November Never Ends
"What?" she snapped.
The temp worker faltered. "Isn't it November?"
The band started up.
Lilith's eyes narrowed, and she tapped her foot. "Lieutenant?"
"Take him away."
Lilith continued to wave her hand in time to the "Red, White, and Blue" as the temp worker's screams echoed down the hall.
Character(s): The Rat Pack + The Mithril Dagger Heroes - reunited!
Author: Jonah Cohen
Storyline: We'll Probably Have Paris
Title of Post: Lianth ho!
"So, where are we going now that we've landed in this two-bit hick burg?"
"Duh!" Val said to Rani, smugly. "Everyone knows where you go in Lianth if you're looking for heroes."
"To the death of Luthien the Dead!" Everyone raised their glasses and drank. "First Trill, now this lichling, celebrating the death of evil guys is getting to be a habit around here," Waterloo said. "I could adapt to that!"
"Mabye we'll have one for Eric some day," Khyrisse said, entering the Mithril Dagger.
"Good to see you all again," Kevin said, already pouring out the usuals.
"Greetings, my lord," Amatsu said, bowing to Praxis.
"I'm glad you are well," the psionicist replied. "We'll have to talk more about the Test you mentioned."
"And it's good to see you again," Khyrisse said to Flicker. "Boy -- have we been through a lot lately."
"I can sympathize."
"Right now we need to find Garal. It's pretty urgent. Are the, uh, Skeiners still around?"
"I'm afraid we headed our separate ways once Luthien the Dead was destroyed."
"I think I could find him for you," Praxis said, reaching out for the halfling with the Gift. "What message should I pass on?"
Character(s): That Flirt Iona
Author: Laura Redish
Storyline: We'll Always Have Paris: Rest Break And Regrouping
Title of Post: How Could He Ever Refuse?
"Tell him I never got to give him a hero's proper reward," Waterloo said with a straight face.
"I had something serious to discuss with him," frowned Khyrisse.
"Mine'll probably get him out here quicker," grinned Waterloo.
Character(s): Khyrisse, not feeling terribly social
Author: Kristin L.K. Andersen
Title of Post: ... And NOTHING Glorifies Man. :P
Val intercepted the Kamizaze before Khyrisse could pick it up. Khyrisse closed her eyes and sighed.
"You promised," Val reminded her in a quiet voice.
"Right," Khyrisse bit off, and opened her eyes. "A glass of water, please, Kevin."
Kevin stared at her for a second, then shrugged and poured her a glass of water. "Sure you don't want coffee?"
"I have enough trouble sleeping lately, thanks." Khyrisse looked at Praxis. "Tell Garal that I need him to talk to someone in Hell about one of their missing people, please." Her mouth quirked into a sardonic smile. "And pass along Waterloo's message. He might be willing to reply to the first, given the second."
Khyrisse sat down at the bar and played aimlessly with her glass of water.
Author: Jeff Hersh
Storyline: Reclamation: Gold and Amber
Title of Post: A Shrink with a Mission
Vazhae stood for a good half and hour outside the ruins of Lianth. She had traveled two weeks from Diaromyn to the barbarian lands of the kiljhac. Now, she was a scant few minutes from her assignment, Lianth. She was one of many of the Sisterhood of Pysyri who the Emperor had commanded to leave Diaria in order to heal those who needed healing. She had to admit that she was uncomfortable with the idea of wandering in the barbarian lands, but a command from the Emperor could not be questioned.
The Diari priestess straightened her robes, fixed her golden colored hair and walked down the road. Lianth awaited.
Character(s): Flicker, Otter, Alderon
Author: Laura Redish
Storyline: WAHP: Regrouping and Drinks
Title of Post: Reverting To Form
"Otter?" said Flicker. "This certainly is the week for old friends."
"Do I know you?"
"I used to be Shalini Kyber," he said, "once."
"Really?" She looked him up and down. "You used to be prettier."
"Hi," Alderon said to Valende's breasts. "I'm a hero."
Character(s): The Ratless Pack, and VAS!!! (yeah!)
Author: Evan Haag
Title of Post: Finally, An Undamaged Sense of Humor (Re)Joins the Group
As Praxis transmitted the two messages to Garal, Val looked up from her drink with a peculiar smile on her face. She looked around the bar to see if anyone else had noticed, but everyone seemed immersed in their own thoughts. In a slightly amused tone, she whispered to Khyrisse, "So, do you think you could stand some cheering up, or would that be just too much for you right now?"
Khyrisse's eyes never left her water glass. "I think it would be a little too much for me right now."
"Well, then I'll make sure to tell him before he opens his big mouth." Khyrisse gave her a glance that said 'tell who?', but said nothing when she noticed that Val was counting down in Elvish.
When she got to one, the front doors of the Mithril Dagger swung open to reveal her brother Vastarin, who threw his hands up in delight when he saw the assembled Rat Packers.
"Aha! I knew it would be worth my time to take a detour to the Dagger! I was planning on casting a sending spell to find you all and get directions, but now it appears I don't have to make the effort. Ah, lucky me!"
He hopped lightly over to where Khyrisse and Val were sitting, and gave his sister a light kiss on the cheek. "So, where's everyone el...okay, forget I asked." He could tell that the subject of the missing Rat Packers was touchy by the look on Val's face.
Skitch bounced over, full of ten-year old energy, and said "Hey Vas! Where've you been, you missed everything! I got killed by some undead, and there were some really tough fights with some other undead, and all kinds of stuff!" He looked around hurriedly, then asked, "Say, where's Kit? Wasn't he with you?"
Vas paused, then said, "Kit's...fine. At least, she was the last I knew. Unfortunately, I sort of lost track of her after we managed to get rid of that goddamned cat that was following her around. But, considering Kit, I don't think she'll be having any problems."
He then raised his voice, addressing the bar as a whole. "By the way, can anyone tell me why there's a whole crowd of fools stacking rocks over in the town square?"
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