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'Does the moon look bigger to you tonight?'

The Book of Ataniel

Now Don�t Be Sad



�Got--over you?� Vas shook his head dizzily. Whatever test this was, he was damned if he was going to fail it now. �Never, milady... my heart is yours always.�

�It is not too late to change that, my sparrow,� Aerdrie said gently. �The elven gods have departed from Ataniel, probably forever. I left you behind, Vas. In all likelihood we will never see each other again.�

�A gamble I am willing to take. My faith is pure, and I know one day, in this life or the next, on Ataniel or some other world... some day, we will be together again.�

�Vas,� sighed the goddess, and touched her hand to her forehead. �You aren�t listening to me. I left you behind. I am never... coming back... to you.�

�No,� Vas said, and folded his arms tightly against the idea. �I--I don�t know what your goal is here, shadow spirit, but my--my goddess, the true Aerdrie, has never left me. If she did I would not still be able to fly. Which I am.�

�Oh, Vas,� she said, smiling sadly on him. �Why would I take my gift from you? You haven�t displeased me; I simply moved on. It�s no ill reflection upon you, believe me. You have known the favors of a goddess, Vastarin. How many mortals can say the same?�

�No,� Vas said again. �It--it�s more than that. This time. We--have a pasirel, milady.�

�Pasirel?� The impression of Aerdrie looked startled for the first time. �Vas, it has never been. No god has shared pasirel with a mortal before.�

�Believe me, milady, there is a first time. I have felt it every night for the past sixteen years. Even my sister has noticed it. The bond is more than real, I can assure you.�

�I don�t know what you�ve been feeling, Vastarin, but it cannot be truly pasirel. Think about it: if we were pair-bonded, would I have left the planet without you? Would I have spent years away from you even before the coming of Shadow?�

�Pasirel is strong,� Vas said weakly. �It can survive distance.�

�I�m sorry, Vas.� She touched his forehead with the back of her fingers, her eyes brilliant and compassionate. �My attraction to you was honest, my love genuine. I will always think of you fondly, little sparrow. But I have never felt pasirel for you, and I never will. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can get on with your life.�

�No!� He pushed her hand away, trembling. �You--can�t do this to me. I have a choice. Don�t I? This is a hall of choices?�

�Yes, but--�

�Then I don�t choose this! Tell me what I have to do to choose a future with my lady Aerdrie. I don�t care what it is. I�ll do it.�

�Vas.� She looked at him, a dark gaze of sheer pity. �Your choice is between being someone who copes with this and someone who spends the rest of his life as a sexual addict obsessed with a woman he can�t have. Winning me back is not one of your options.�

�Aerdrie,� said Vas, pleading now.

She stepped back from him, gave him a sad look over her shoulder, one eye shining back at him through a sheaf of her feathery hair. He would remember her like that as long as he lived. �Please pick the happy route, Vas,� she said softly. �I always did love to see you smile.�

The slightest of shimmering in the air, and she was gone.

Vas buried his hands in what remained of his hair and collapsed to one knee on the ground.

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'Does the moon look bigger to you tonight?'

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